She definitely treated him with hatred
No, she did not.
They were all looking at her, the way they had looked at her that day in the yard when Ser Boros Blount had torn her clothes off. It had been the Imp who saved her from a beating that day, the same man who was waiting for her now. He is not so bad as the rest of them, she told herself.
Gratitude, or at least looking on the best side of the marriage she could not escape from.
As he moved behind her, Sansa felt a sharp tug on her skirt. He wants me to kneel, she realized, blushing. She was mortified. It was not supposed to be this way. She had dreamed of her wedding a thousand times, and always she had pictured how her betrothed would stand behind her tall and strong, sweep the cloak of his protection over her shoulders, and tenderly kiss her cheek as he leaned forward to fasten the clasp.
She felt another tug at her skirt, more insistent. I won’t. Why should I spare his feelings, when no one cares about mine?
When Sansa turned, the little man was gazing up at her, his mouth tight, his face as red as her cloak. Suddenly she was ashamed of her stubbornness. She smoothed her skirts and knelt in front of him, so their heads were on the same level.
Embarrassment, anger, shame.
He is as frightened as I am, Sansa realized. Perhaps that should have made her feel more kindly toward him, but it did not. All she felt was pity, and pity was death to desire. He was looking at her, waiting for her to say something, but all her words had withered. She could only stand there trembling.
When he hopped up on the bed and put his hand on her breast, Sansa could not help but shudder. She lay with her eyes closed, every muscle tense, dreading what might come next.
His smile might have been meant to be reassuring, but without a nose it only made him look more grotesque and sinister.
Look at him, Sansa told herself, look at your husband, at all of him, Septa Mordane said all men are beautiful, find his beauty, try.
Trying to do as she had been told all her life that a wife should do. Failing at it, yes, but she tried.
“On my honor as a Lannister,” the Imp said, “I will not touch you until you want me to.”
It took all the courage that was in her to look in those mismatched eyes and say, “And if I never want you to, my lord?”
His mouth jerked as if she had slapped him. “Never?”
Her neck was so tight she could scarcely nod.
“Why,” he said, “that is why the gods made whores for imps like me.” He closed his short blunt fingers into a fist, and climbed down off the bed.
This is probably the line you’re interpreting as hate. This is not Sansa hating Tyrion. This is Sansa unable to trust him or be sexually attracted to him, and denying all the social conditioning she had ever been taught in her whole life — that a wife must obey her husband, desire him, let him have sex with her no matter her feelings on the matter (societally-approved marital rape) — to tell a grown man (twice her age with all the power in the relationship (excluding his father’s commands which are a factor but nevertheless)) that she does not want him and may never want him.
Yes, that hurts Tyrion’s feelings deeply. But it is not hatred nor treating him with hatred. He thinks she hates him, but Tyrion is highly sensitive (for good reasons) about his appearance. And he knows there’s more than his “ugliness” as a factor:
No words would ever make him fair in her eyes. Or any less a Lannister.
He also later understands that her feelings are not anger or hate, but misery and pain.
Tyrion found all this piety excessive, if truth be told, but in her place he might want the help of the gods as well.
He had wrapped his cloak around her shoulders and sworn to protect her, but that was as cruel a jape as the crown the Freys had placed atop the head of Robb Stark’s direwolf after they’d sewn it onto his headless corpse. Sansa knew that as well. The way she looked at him, her stiffness when she climbed into their bed … when he was with her, never for an instant could he forget who he was, or what he was. No more than she did. She still went nightly to the godswood to pray, and Tyrion wondered if she were praying for his death. She had lost her home, her place in the world, and everyone she had ever loved or trusted.
(and no, she was not praying for his death, but meeting Dontos and planning her escape)
The main problem in the relationship was not hate, but lack of trust and understanding:
It was a jest, but Sansa took it for criticism.
Deprived of the passing scenery, she chose to stare at her folded hands, uncomfortably aware of her husband’s mismatched eyes. Why is he looking at me that way?
“You loved your brothers, much as I love Jaime.”
Is this some Lannister trap to make me speak treason?
“I never harmed your brother Bran. And I mean no harm to you.”
What does he want me to say? “That is good to know, my lord.” He wanted something from her, but Sansa did not know what it was. He looks like a starving child, but I have no food to give him. Why won’t he leave me be?
And when Sansa speaks of him, after she escapes, she has no hate:
“I am still a maid.”
“Was the dwarf incapable?”
“No. He was only … he was …” Kind? She could not say that, not here, not to this aunt who hated him so. “He … he had whores, my lady. He told me so.”
Fear is not hatred. Mistrust is not hatred. Pity is not hatred. Embarrassment is not hatred. Even her revulsion at his appearance is not hatred. And a 12-year-old girl telling a grown man that she does not want to have sex with him (and bear his children, so that the Lannisters can steal Winterfell through her body) is not hatred, no matter how “fantastically” he treated her.
and if you need a literal line saying “I hate you” to see that you are going to miss out on a lot of sublety A Song Of Ice And Fire has to offer.
Am I missing out on ASOIAF’s subtlety? Do tell. :D
My stance on this is that I really like this character even though she has character flaws and this whole fandom is saying that she actually has no flaws whatsoever.
You… um… apparently haven’t seen the whole fandom. In fact, “Sansa was mean to Tyrion” is often why people hate her! That and “she betrayed her family” and “she was mean to Arya” and “she’s weak” and “why didn’t she grab a sword and escape” and “she’s stupid” and jeeze I’m tired of this. Seriously just fucking google Sansa:
Or look on the GoT facebook page or any youtube comment section or anywhere else but here ffs. Sansa fans are vocal on tumblr but they are outnumbered just about everywhere else.
Also when defending fans call a character things like a “flawless queen” it is not meant to be literal. (Cersei sometimes gets called “flawless”, for example. Even the deepest of her stans certainly do not mean that literally.) Generally it’s to say that even their flaws are “flawless” in their eyes, especially when defending a character against slander.
You shouldn’t judge her entire character over this one flaw but you also shouldn’t pretend this flaw doesn’t exist. I would rather have a Sansa with flaws like this than a perfect angel Sansa who does nothing wrong because a character with flaws is a much better character and you are doing a huge disservice to that character by burying your head in the sand and saying those flawa don’t exist.
Sansa certainly has flaws. She’s naive, she’s ableist (as are most people in Westeros), she’s classist (as is frankly everyone in Westeros), she frequently judges on surface appearances, she trusts people that she should not, she tends to story-role people and is upset when they don’t do the things she thinks they ought to do, she thinks a lie is not bad if it’s meant kindly, etc. But she did not hate Tyrion or treat him with hatred because he was ugly.
Say Sansa’s flawed. Fine. Make my day. But if you say you love her but your primary reason for being conflicted because she “hated Tyrion, who treated her fantasticly, just because he was ugly” — you are wrong. (Just as wrong as someone who might say they love her but she’s flawed because she “hated the Hound” and “was stupid not to go with him.”) Reread Sansa’s chapters. Realize she cannot read Tyrion’s mind, that she doesn’t know he’s a “good guy” because he never opened up to her either, and she cannot trust a Lannister because when she did (Cersei, Joffrey), it backfired so badly that she will never trust another Lannister again.
(And god knows Tyrion’s no angel either. I hope you realize that.)
I suggest you take a look at my Sansa meta tag to see some more balanced looks at Sansa, or the Sansa tag on asoiafuniversity. My Tyrion tag may help you too, as could these posts. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5.) Good luck, and I do hope you read with an open mind.